Dumbshit urban fantasy AU

[alienwear]

Lapis is an ancient vampire from the bronze age who really hates not being allowed to eat humans anymore.

Jasper is a former monster hunter turned vampire by Lapis out of spite.

Peridot is a transgender lesbian polyamorous werewolf who just wants her girlfriends to get along.

There's gonna be porn in the comments.

Comments

This is for Lapis

[alienwear]

The night is Peridot's element.

No, it's not because she's a werewolf. It's because that's when she does her best gaming. While it's not her sole interest, she puts a lot of time and money into this particular hobby, and nights where she can just ooze into her beanbag chair in front of the TV and bang out a few online matches are simply the best nights. It's relaxing!

...Ignore the fact that she's periodically shouting into her headset, that has nothing to do with anything. IT'S. RELAXING. IT'S FUN. SHE'S HAVING FUN.

Her eyes are fixated on the TV screen. Narrowed. Buttons on the controller clack noisily.

[mirrortide]

The shouting is loud. Irritating, but Peridot likes it, for some reason, even when she's calling whoever is on the other end idiots? Or barking (hah) directions into it. None of with Lapis understands, because she just really hasn't put in the effort to understand.

Mostly because she doesn't care about technology overly much.

Unfortunately, times have changed, and where she'd normally go out for a meal, now she has to stay in. Has to choose between drinking cold animal blood or thick, slightly congealed warm animal blood.

Or, her third option, which is always the better option, as far as she's concerned, is to wrap her arms loosely around Peridot's shoulders mid gaming session, and nose against her neck lightly.

"Hey. Pause your thing." She says, impatiently. Intently. "I'm hungry."

[alienwear]

Peridot was so focused on her match, she hadn't even noticed Lapis come into the room. Or maybe Lapis did some kind of vampire trick and snuck in on purpose? REALLY hard to say. The point is, Peridot is extremely startled when she feels arms drape over her shoulders. So startled that she almost drops her controller, letting out a dog-like yip of surprise.

The fumble gets her shot dead in the game. Peridot swears, mutes herself, and pushes her headset off her ears so she can chastise Lapis while she waits to respawn.

"Lapis!" she whines. "You just messed up my k/d ratio for the whole match!"

[mirrortide]

"I don't know what that means." And from her tone, she's quite disinclined to care. "Anyway, I'm hungry." She says again, like it's something entirely profound.

In reality, it's Tuesday, and this bullshit is the standard when it comes to her. "And I want you."

[alienwear]

A rush of warmth floods Peridot's cheeks. She always likes it when Lapis frames her needs like that. In the context of wanting her. Makes it pretty hard to say no.

Alas...

"Oh! Oh... Uh. Can you just give me like, five minutes, so I can finish up this round?" she urges, picking her controller back up. Her eyes are fixed on the countdown to respawn. "After that, I swear..."

[mirrortide]

"Can't you just pause it?" She doesn't understand technology, and this is absolutely the source of many of Peridot's frustrations. Like sure, Lapis intrinsically understands that Peridot is playing a game with other people who are likely miles and miles away, but she doesn't understand why she can't just pause it.

[alienwear]

"No, I can't, it's a LIVE MATCH," Peridot reminds her, knowing full well that this isn't the first time they've had this discussion and it DEFINITELY won't be the last. "You were locked in that crypt for how many hundreds of years? And you can't wait just five minutes?"

[mirrortide]

Wow. Hey, rude. Bringing up her time locked in a crypt for hundreds of years! That's just plain rude.

And so Lapis bites down immediately, no longer waiting for permission, because surely Peridot can focus on two things at the same time, though if she was smart she'd prioritize focusing on Lapis more than her game.

[alienwear]

This time it's a doggish yelp, right into her microphone. Peridot brings a paw up and swipes the headset right off onto the floor so she doesn't continue to yell directly into it, floppy-tipped pointed ears springing upright.

"Lapis!?" the werewolf immediately snaps indignantly, demanding some kind of apology or explanation, but it's already too late. There comes the head rush, the woozy feeling as the leading edges of the trance start to kick in. She'd started to twist in her chair to confront the vampire, but now she flops back down in it, whether by necessity from the dizziness or because Lapis is holding her in place.

[mirrortide]

It's probably, definitely both.

She does loosen her hold one Peridot once she's sure she won't be fighting back. Not that she probably would have anyway, but it's always a nice reassurance, a hard to kick habit from long, long ago.

At least she's not as messy as she once was. Once where she'd drain a meal and leave pools of blood, Lapis is far more caring to not waste a single drop. Probably because of how infrequently she gets to enjoy a meal like this now.

Peridot is a meal to be savoured! Even if she tastes a bit like dog. At least it's something alive for a change.

[alienwear]

And fight back she does not, because now she's remembering just how much she actually enjoys having Lapis's mouth on her neck, and the sting of her fangs in her veins.

"O..Oooooooooo... shit," Peridot murmurs with vague awe, eyelids drooping half-way. There's a keen awareness of her own heartbeat in this moment, as it pounds steadily away in her chest while Lapis takes what she wants. "I can't believe you couldn't wait just five minutes..."

Her speech is maybe just a tiny bit slurred.

[mirrortide]

Lapis gives a hum of acknowledgement, but considering what she's doing, it's not like she can verbally respond. She does, however, reach forward with one hand, sliding it along Peridot's arm to lace their fingers together, because if she remembers right, Peridot loves that sappy shit.

Lapis herself doesn't care too much for it, but it's something Peridot likes, and she supposes it's the least she can do for chomping down on her like that, even if it was in response to a very rude comment.

[alienwear]

It's a spot-on gesture. Peridot whines appreciatively, squeezing Lapis's hand lightly. Her tail would be thumping away with enthusiasm, if she wasn't currently sitting back on it.

Being fed on by a vampire would be bad news for most people, but as a werewolf, Peridot is immune to the curse the bite would normally transmit, and she heals and recovers blood at a remarkably fast pace. So really, she just gets to enjoy the sweet pain she adores so much, and the blissful mind-wiping effects of the victim's trance.

Her lupine jaws part in a doofy canine grin, and she begins to pant lightly...

[mirrortide]

See, this is just funny to her, between the returned squeeze on her hand and the way Peridot starts panting. There's really only one way this is going to end at this point.

Once she's had her fill she pulls away, pressing her tongue against the wound she'd inflicted to put pressure on it to stop the bleeding, since she's feeling far more charitable after a meal than before when she'd been entirely parched.

"Thanks for the food."

[alienwear]

It's like a bubble popping, the way Peridot comes back to herself so abruptly. She blinks a few times in quick succession. A quick glance at the television shows that however long that whole process took, it was long enough for her game console to go into sleep mode. She's pretty annoyed about that! But she hasn't gotten it together enough to give Lapis any more grief about it.

"I feel like I need to eat three entire raw steaks," Peridot groans, pushing a paw through her hair. You'd think that after losing a bunch of blood she'd be feeling cold and shaky, but for some reason she feels... Unbearably warm...?

...Oh.

A glance downward reveals why that is: There's a tent in the crotch of her lounge pants. Whoops.

[mirrortide]

The tent in Peridot's pants isn't unnoticed! And Lapis hasn't pulled away yet, so that's something for Peridot at least.

"You have that in the fridge, don't you?" She says, like she hasn't noticed anything, like she isn't drumming her fingers on top of Peridot's hand specifically to Entice her.

yeehaw for jasper circa cowboy era

[mirrortide]

The year is 1832, and you are a horrific man-eating monster.

Normally Lapis doesn't stick around too long after she's made a few kills in a town. It's never really particularly been safe to do, especially with the advancement in technology. Before ending up in that crypt? Sure, she could stay in an area for months on end killing and feeding nightly.

Now she's in an area for a few weeks at most before she moves on, before locals can rally a mob and tan her hide.

At least eating is usually peaceful, as long as she's smart, chooses her victims right. There's already been one half drained dead body left in an ally, and Lapis is working through her second, face and clothes spattered with the blood of both victims.

[stompadour]

Jasper's been tracking her for a while now. She doesn't know who Lapis is, or anything about her history – perhaps if she did she'd be more cautious – but she knows who she's killed over the last couple of weeks, and where. So far she hasn't been there in time to stop her... But she's close now. She can smell the blood.

She shoulders her crossbow as she steps into the alley. She pauses only for a fraction of a second, taking in the scene before her with narrowed yellow eyes, confirming that this is what she thinks it is – and then she fires without any warning whatsoever.

[mirrortide]

The fraction of a second is all that's needed for Lapis to use her meal as a shield and- well, if the human wasn't dead before, they certainly are now with a crossbow bolt in their chest.

Lapis doesn't drop her meal outright, but she does make a face.

"Wow, rude?" She doesn't sound overly concerned, but she will use the body to shield herself from more bolts. Mostly, she's trying to play disaffected while her head catches up with what just happened.

[stompadour]

Jasper scowls, adjusts her aim, and fires again – and then immediately lunges forward, hoping to slow Lapis's reaction by making her shield herself from another crossbow bolt, so that she can slam her (and her victim) up against the wall.

[mirrortide]

It works, mostly. Lapis uses her food to block another bolt, and she makes a noise of surprise as she's lunged at.

And then a grunt as she's slammed against the wall in a very uncomfortable way, squished behind her food and a quite intimidatingly bulky hunter. Alright, fine. Fine.

"Do you mind?" She asks, making a very clear attempt to kick Jasper right in her knee.

[stompadour]

Jasper hisses through her teeth, the pain stifling whatever her immediate response to that was going to be, but while that's definitely going to bruise, it's not enough to make her let go. Actually she just tightens her grip on Lapis's shoulder against the wall.

"What do you think," she growls, reaching for something with her other hand. "Do you think I mind vermin on the loose in these streets?"

[mirrortide]

"I think," Lapis starts, extremely high and mighty for a quick moment. She see's that Jasper is fiddling with something, and she's not really fond of the idea of having something jabbed into her chest. "You need a breath-mint. And if you let me go, I'm sure we can go down to a bar or something that has them in those little dishes for you."

Is it wise to be a smart ass while on the receiving end of being pinned against a wall?

No, not really. But she's going to do it anyway.

[stompadour]

Jasper's eyes narrow to yellow slits, and she hauls the body between them out of the way so there's nothing between the stake she's just produced from her coat and Lapis's chest. "If you want to die with a shred of dignity left, I'd shut up while you've still got the chance."

[mirrortide]

"Sorry, you've already been beaten to the punch on the whole dying with dignity thing." Which is to say, Lapis is already dead! Has been for awhile now, actually. Also she still doesn't seem overly concerned about the... stakes here.

"Besides, I'm a little too busy to do the whole dying thing again, so...." She trails off, peering over the Big Looming Shoulder to-

"Help! I'm being attacked!" Get local citizens involved, as she yells to the top of her lungs along with aiming another swift kick at Jasper's stomach this time to try and wind her.