Dumbshit urban fantasy AU

[alienwear]

Lapis is an ancient vampire from the bronze age who really hates not being allowed to eat humans anymore.

Jasper is a former monster hunter turned vampire by Lapis out of spite.

Peridot is a transgender lesbian polyamorous werewolf who just wants her girlfriends to get along.

There's gonna be porn in the comments.

Comments

[stompadour]

Jasper's eyes narrow to yellow slits, and she hauls the body between them out of the way so there's nothing between the stake she's just produced from her coat and Lapis's chest. "If you want to die with a shred of dignity left, I'd shut up while you've still got the chance."

[mirrortide]

"Sorry, you've already been beaten to the punch on the whole dying with dignity thing." Which is to say, Lapis is already dead! Has been for awhile now, actually. Also she still doesn't seem overly concerned about the... stakes here.

"Besides, I'm a little too busy to do the whole dying thing again, so...." She trails off, peering over the Big Looming Shoulder to-

"Help! I'm being attacked!" Get local citizens involved, as she yells to the top of her lungs along with aiming another swift kick at Jasper's stomach this time to try and wind her.