Dumbshit urban fantasy AU

[alienwear]

Lapis is an ancient vampire from the bronze age who really hates not being allowed to eat humans anymore.

Jasper is a former monster hunter turned vampire by Lapis out of spite.

Peridot is a transgender lesbian polyamorous werewolf who just wants her girlfriends to get along.

There's gonna be porn in the comments.

Comments

yeehaw for jasper circa cowboy era

[mirrortide]

The year is 1832, and you are a horrific man-eating monster.

Normally Lapis doesn't stick around too long after she's made a few kills in a town. It's never really particularly been safe to do, especially with the advancement in technology. Before ending up in that crypt? Sure, she could stay in an area for months on end killing and feeding nightly.

Now she's in an area for a few weeks at most before she moves on, before locals can rally a mob and tan her hide.

At least eating is usually peaceful, as long as she's smart, chooses her victims right. There's already been one half drained dead body left in an ally, and Lapis is working through her second, face and clothes spattered with the blood of both victims.

[stompadour]

Jasper's been tracking her for a while now. She doesn't know who Lapis is, or anything about her history – perhaps if she did she'd be more cautious – but she knows who she's killed over the last couple of weeks, and where. So far she hasn't been there in time to stop her... But she's close now. She can smell the blood.

She shoulders her crossbow as she steps into the alley. She pauses only for a fraction of a second, taking in the scene before her with narrowed yellow eyes, confirming that this is what she thinks it is – and then she fires without any warning whatsoever.

[mirrortide]

The fraction of a second is all that's needed for Lapis to use her meal as a shield and- well, if the human wasn't dead before, they certainly are now with a crossbow bolt in their chest.

Lapis doesn't drop her meal outright, but she does make a face.

"Wow, rude?" She doesn't sound overly concerned, but she will use the body to shield herself from more bolts. Mostly, she's trying to play disaffected while her head catches up with what just happened.

[stompadour]

Jasper scowls, adjusts her aim, and fires again – and then immediately lunges forward, hoping to slow Lapis's reaction by making her shield herself from another crossbow bolt, so that she can slam her (and her victim) up against the wall.

[mirrortide]

It works, mostly. Lapis uses her food to block another bolt, and she makes a noise of surprise as she's lunged at.

And then a grunt as she's slammed against the wall in a very uncomfortable way, squished behind her food and a quite intimidatingly bulky hunter. Alright, fine. Fine.

"Do you mind?" She asks, making a very clear attempt to kick Jasper right in her knee.

[stompadour]

Jasper hisses through her teeth, the pain stifling whatever her immediate response to that was going to be, but while that's definitely going to bruise, it's not enough to make her let go. Actually she just tightens her grip on Lapis's shoulder against the wall.

"What do you think," she growls, reaching for something with her other hand. "Do you think I mind vermin on the loose in these streets?"

[mirrortide]

"I think," Lapis starts, extremely high and mighty for a quick moment. She see's that Jasper is fiddling with something, and she's not really fond of the idea of having something jabbed into her chest. "You need a breath-mint. And if you let me go, I'm sure we can go down to a bar or something that has them in those little dishes for you."

Is it wise to be a smart ass while on the receiving end of being pinned against a wall?

No, not really. But she's going to do it anyway.

[stompadour]

Jasper's eyes narrow to yellow slits, and she hauls the body between them out of the way so there's nothing between the stake she's just produced from her coat and Lapis's chest. "If you want to die with a shred of dignity left, I'd shut up while you've still got the chance."

[mirrortide]

"Sorry, you've already been beaten to the punch on the whole dying with dignity thing." Which is to say, Lapis is already dead! Has been for awhile now, actually. Also she still doesn't seem overly concerned about the... stakes here.

"Besides, I'm a little too busy to do the whole dying thing again, so...." She trails off, peering over the Big Looming Shoulder to-

"Help! I'm being attacked!" Get local citizens involved, as she yells to the top of her lungs along with aiming another swift kick at Jasper's stomach this time to try and wind her.