Dumbshit urban fantasy AU

[alienwear]

Lapis is an ancient vampire from the bronze age who really hates not being allowed to eat humans anymore.

Jasper is a former monster hunter turned vampire by Lapis out of spite.

Peridot is a transgender lesbian polyamorous werewolf who just wants her girlfriends to get along.

There's gonna be porn in the comments.

Comments

[mirrortide]

It works, mostly. Lapis uses her food to block another bolt, and she makes a noise of surprise as she's lunged at.

And then a grunt as she's slammed against the wall in a very uncomfortable way, squished behind her food and a quite intimidatingly bulky hunter. Alright, fine. Fine.

"Do you mind?" She asks, making a very clear attempt to kick Jasper right in her knee.

[stompadour]

Jasper hisses through her teeth, the pain stifling whatever her immediate response to that was going to be, but while that's definitely going to bruise, it's not enough to make her let go. Actually she just tightens her grip on Lapis's shoulder against the wall.

"What do you think," she growls, reaching for something with her other hand. "Do you think I mind vermin on the loose in these streets?"

[mirrortide]

"I think," Lapis starts, extremely high and mighty for a quick moment. She see's that Jasper is fiddling with something, and she's not really fond of the idea of having something jabbed into her chest. "You need a breath-mint. And if you let me go, I'm sure we can go down to a bar or something that has them in those little dishes for you."

Is it wise to be a smart ass while on the receiving end of being pinned against a wall?

No, not really. But she's going to do it anyway.

[stompadour]

Jasper's eyes narrow to yellow slits, and she hauls the body between them out of the way so there's nothing between the stake she's just produced from her coat and Lapis's chest. "If you want to die with a shred of dignity left, I'd shut up while you've still got the chance."

[mirrortide]

"Sorry, you've already been beaten to the punch on the whole dying with dignity thing." Which is to say, Lapis is already dead! Has been for awhile now, actually. Also she still doesn't seem overly concerned about the... stakes here.

"Besides, I'm a little too busy to do the whole dying thing again, so...." She trails off, peering over the Big Looming Shoulder to-

"Help! I'm being attacked!" Get local citizens involved, as she yells to the top of her lungs along with aiming another swift kick at Jasper's stomach this time to try and wind her.