Dumbshit urban fantasy AU

[alienwear]

Lapis is an ancient vampire from the bronze age who really hates not being allowed to eat humans anymore.

Jasper is a former monster hunter turned vampire by Lapis out of spite.

Peridot is a transgender lesbian polyamorous werewolf who just wants her girlfriends to get along.

There's gonna be porn in the comments.

Comments

[alienwear]

Peridot sits up abruptly, at first because Lapis just wiped jizz on her pants and she's mad about it, and then because she has to check the TV in a panic.

"The game system isn't even on anymore," she huffs, half smug that she managed to outsmart Lapis about this, and half relieved that her online friends did not, in fact, hear any of that.

[mirrortide]

"Lucky." She says, not even remotely caring about the fact that Peridot has outsmarted her, because quite frankly she's not even remotely concerned about how technology works and she will never care! Technology is bad and Thomas Edison was probably a witch!

"Anyway, thanks for the food."

[alienwear]

"Yup," Peridot replies, sounding a vaguely cross. She's preoccupied with trying to shuffle out of her jizz smeared pants now. How could you do this to her, Lapis????

[mirrortide]

Easily. And this is not the first nor the last time that she'll wipe a jizz smeared hand against Peridot's nice clothes.

Also like, she's just watching and not doing anything remotely helpful.

[alienwear]

That's fine. This is fine. Peridot eventually succeeds and hoists herself to her feet, standing there in her boxers and looking sort of woozy.

"Think 'm gonna go get some juice or somethin," she mumbles, and wobbles towards the kitchen.

[mirrortide]

"Have fun." Lapis says, like an absolute tool, because when Peridot gets up and wavers and wobbles, she reacts by stealing Peridots awful bean bag chair that gives the same awful noise that is kind of a boner kill as she sits in it.

Why does she put up with this? Who knows.

[alienwear]

Lapis gives incredible blow jobs. That's why she puts up with it, and that's the only reason.

She grunts in reply, and disappears to go drink directly from the orange juice carton and slam down a bunch of beef jerky.