Dumbshit urban fantasy AU

[alienwear]

Lapis is an ancient vampire from the bronze age who really hates not being allowed to eat humans anymore.

Jasper is a former monster hunter turned vampire by Lapis out of spite.

Peridot is a transgender lesbian polyamorous werewolf who just wants her girlfriends to get along.

There's gonna be porn in the comments.

Comments

[alienwear]

It's like a bubble popping, the way Peridot comes back to herself so abruptly. She blinks a few times in quick succession. A quick glance at the television shows that however long that whole process took, it was long enough for her game console to go into sleep mode. She's pretty annoyed about that! But she hasn't gotten it together enough to give Lapis any more grief about it.

"I feel like I need to eat three entire raw steaks," Peridot groans, pushing a paw through her hair. You'd think that after losing a bunch of blood she'd be feeling cold and shaky, but for some reason she feels... Unbearably warm...?

...Oh.

A glance downward reveals why that is: There's a tent in the crotch of her lounge pants. Whoops.

[mirrortide]

The tent in Peridot's pants isn't unnoticed! And Lapis hasn't pulled away yet, so that's something for Peridot at least.

"You have that in the fridge, don't you?" She says, like she hasn't noticed anything, like she isn't drumming her fingers on top of Peridot's hand specifically to Entice her.

[alienwear]

"U-uhhhuh," Peridot stammers, then pauses, gulping. It's sort of hard to think; Lapis just drank a whole bunch of her blood, and now some of what remains is presently being diverted into her dick? That doesn't leave a whole lot for her (typically) quick little brain to work with. "I definitely do. But. Uh." Her blue tongue darts out to wet her lips. "I can probably wait at least a little bit... To get those..."

[mirrortide]

"Yeah? It's not like I can cook. Kind of left that ability back in the stone age." She says, extremely unhelpfully. "Though I'm guessing you probably don't want them cooked to begin with, huh."

[alienwear]

"You know I don't," Peridot scoffs, a touch indignant that Lapis would even joke about not knowing that. There's a twisted grin across her lips now though; she's catching up, just lagging a few steps behind Lapis in this weird little game. "Forget about the steaks. I'm more interested in making sure you're not going to pull a... Dine and dash on me, Lazuli."

(Booooo)

[mirrortide]

"What, me? Never. I always pay for my meals." And then, because she's wearing a look, she pulls away, starting to root through her pocket.

"I'm sure I've got a five in here somewhere." Which is a lie. She doesn't. She has no cash on her ever, because Vampires just don't need that kind of thing!

[alienwear]

Peridot lets her hand drop when Lapis pulls away, moaning dramatically.

"Suck my dick, Lazuli," she groans, shoving a paw down her own pants. It's both an insult, AND a request!

[mirrortide]

"Is that a request?" She asks, knowing full well that it is in fact, a request and an insult in one breath. And judging by her playful tone, she doesn't have any actual problems with following up that offer, but she does want to hear Peridot actually ask for it.

[alienwear]

"Ye-- Yes," Peridot groans, breath hitching as she gives herself a squeeze. That's all there is to it!

[mirrortide]

Well, that's not very encouraging. So Lapis moves around to the front of the beanbag chair which, for the record, it's hard to be sexy and seducing when you're going to blow someone sitting in a beanbag chair, and Lapis absolutely hates it, deep down in whatever soul she might have left.

"Ask nicely then, and I'll think about it."

[alienwear]

You're the one that went and pressed her horny buttons while she was sitting in the damn beanbag chair, Lapis! You have only yourself to blame!

"Oh my god," she groans, amused, but mildly exasperated. "Please?"

SHE FED YOU.

[mirrortide]

Wow? Wow. She's not the weirdo who gets off being bitten. This is strictly Peridot's own problem, and Lapis is a saint for helping her deal with it.

Especially as the bean bag chair destroys any sort of mood she's going for as it crunches gently as Lapis kneels to take off Peridot's pants. Or like, at least shuffle them down enough to reveal her dick.

"This chair sucks. You really need to get a better one."

[alienwear]

"We can just move if it bothers you that much," Peridot points out, following up after an appreciative hiss that comes from her dick being freed from Pants Prison. "You don't need to take it out on my chair, which is perfectly comfortable and serviceable for most situations.

[mirrortide]

"It's a glorified dog bed. And also horrible for your posture." What with all the slumping and crunching, but obviously it bothers Lapis less than she makes it seem, because she's already ducking her head to wrap her lips around Peridot's dick.

[alienwear]

Peridot gasps with offense at the words "dog bed", but Lapis's warm mouth around her cock makes for a pretty solid distraction. She lets her head fall back with a hiss, wagging her tail enthusiastically and pushing her hips upwards to meet that contact.

[mirrortide]

It's a plus that Lapis, being as undead as she is, doesn't actually need to breathe. It helps with the whole sucking dick thing, even if she doesn't appreciate the motion that Peridot's hips make.

So she deals with it, arm slinging over said offending hips as she sucks, controls the pace with a practiced ease that quite frankly is far too relaxed for what she knows Peridot wants her to do.

"You know," She says, pulling her mouth free from Peridot's cock at probably the worst time. "You're lucky I just bit you. Otherwise you'd be getting a cold fish blowjob."

[alienwear]

Peridot keeps swearing under her breath and muttering Lapis's name, pent up energy from her desire to buck making her whole lower half extra tense. The thought crosses her mind that she wants to get her fingers in the vampire's hair, but JUST WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING GOOD, Lapis pulls away.

"Then I wouldn't be getting a blowjob at all," Peridot points out in a strained voice. You know. Because getting touched by something that cold would make her dick run and hide?

[mirrortide]

"Aw, come on. Surely my skill makes up for my lack of warmth." Lapis says, licking a stripe up Peridot's cock. "Though I guess you wouldn't be horny if I hadn't bit you in the first place, huh." Or maybe she would, in this hypothetical scenario that Lapis chooses to end by going back down on her with a very, very, purposefully, lewd noise.

[alienwear]

Peridot swears just a little louder this time.

"It's not just the biting," she groans, trying to sound defensive and failing. "It's that trance. It does weird things to my body chemistry... Shit!"

This time, she does tangle her claws in Lapis's hair, her other hand digging into the surface of the beanbag chair. A gentle suggestion for Lapis to keep her head down and keep at it, until Peridot finally blows her load.

[mirrortide]

She pushes down, just a little more forcefully against Peridot's hips, trapping them more succinctly underneath her as she sucks, groans softly around a mouth full of dick as claws tangle in her hair in the most pleasant of ways.

Let no one say that Lapis Lazuli isn't easy to please, even when she's going down on someone.

[alienwear]

That groan is music to her fuzzy ears. Each suck brings Peridot closer and closer to the brink, her breaths growing tighter and shallower as her arousal builds. Taking in her whole length might begin to prove challenging, as the werewolf's sensitive knot bulges out; the brush of the vampire's lips against it is making her grow ever more dizzy with pleasure, and she can barely stand it.Subconsciously, the fingers in Lapis's hair tense, until their hold borders just on the edge of painful...

"Lapis," Peridot moans desperately after a minute of this, this time with a particular note of warning in her tone. She wants to give her ample warning to pull away. Just in case Lapis doesn't feel like swallowing a bunch of werewolf spunk on top of all the blood she just drank.

[mirrortide]

Yeah, turns out she super doesn't, and she pulls her head back to finish Peridot off with her hand. Look, she only gets to infrequently feed off of Peridot, and she's not about to ruin a good meal by swallowing werewolf jizz.

At least her hands are warm! There's that, at least.

[alienwear]

It would be pretty tragic for poor Peridot if they weren't.

It doesn't take much to finish her off after that, even though she much prefers Lapis's mouth to her hands. As she nears her peak, Peridot involuntarily lets out a soft, gurgling whine, which builds in volume and intensity until she finally cums, jizz spattering about indiscriminately.

She lets her head fall back and awoos when this happens, shuddering exultantly against the arm Lapis has her pinned with.

[mirrortide]

"That is the cutest shit." Lapis says, in reference to the 'awoo'. But also, she's wiping her hand on Peridot's pants, because she definitely doesn't feel like having werewolf cum on her today? It's just not in her cards.

"Hope your mic was up for that." Otherwise all of Peridot's online friends absolutely just heard her getting blown like fine glass.

[alienwear]

Peridot sits up abruptly, at first because Lapis just wiped jizz on her pants and she's mad about it, and then because she has to check the TV in a panic.

"The game system isn't even on anymore," she huffs, half smug that she managed to outsmart Lapis about this, and half relieved that her online friends did not, in fact, hear any of that.